"How Ya Like Them Apples?"

- is the title for my latest oil painting. This is the largest work I've ever done; the canvas is 2x3 feet, and I covered every part of that sucker with paint!

The assignment was to choose any kind of noun or thing as a figure and paint it 16 times - differently. My choice was an apple, because I was eating an apple while trying to figure out what my figure should be. (I'm really good at critical thinking).

In each of the 16 sections, the figure should be painted according to certain guidelines from the assignment sheet, but you can paint in any order as you wish. For example: number 7 on the assignment sheet tells you to paint one section with the figure with one color, and then the background a complementary color; my number 7 section is on the bottom left. Another example would be number 8 on the assignment sheet; you're supposed to use texture in the section. In my number 8 section (top left), I used an actual popsicle stick and painted over it.

For my second oil painting ever, I'm satisfied with it. I could've done better as far as cleaning up the edges a bit, and some of the backgrounds could've had a bit more thought put into them.

Btw, I'm sick 'n tired of apples.

Do the Math

Cut Back

"Stop balancing the budget on our children's backs," is a popular quote going around among district officials in California. Because of Swarzchenegger's budget project, the layoff process of many faculty members statewide is becoming more of a reality. Vital members, like teachers, principals, counselors, school nurses and other non-teacher positions are dreading these soon realistic cutbacks. Those with non-teaching jobs have already faced the effects from the Governator's cuts. Yes, it's unfair for the essential team players to be laid off, but I feel like we've overlooked a department that does not play a significant role in academics: the athletic department.

With a relatively small population among all schools, the athletic department has somehow dodged the priority list of branches that need to be totally cut, if not restricted. I don't understand why I'm not hearing the word "coaches" or "physical educator" mentioned as I hear far more important faculty members being listed down as if they didn't make it on the varsity basketball team; "Sorry Geometry Teacher, but we have some high standards on this team to reach our goals. Take some tips from P.E. Instructor and observe what it takes to be a high priority on the team." The news has mentioned nothing related to athletics, so the department must be doing it's job of students reaching the general ideal goal: graduate from high school with a full-ride scholarship to a distinguished 4-year university.

I'm raising my left hand up and using the other to point at the school coaches. You're damn right I'm tattling on you guys. The only coaches that were addressed as being laid off were writing and math coaches, and from what I've heard, the brain needs more of a workout than the biceps and glutes. I appreciate that these teachers are advocates of health, but let's be real: these P.E. classes aren't making an impact on the malnutritioned and obese kids, especially in this day of age when kids are turned into passive learners because of the internet. OK, you can argue* that there are other classes post-graduate students won't reminisce, but I'm a firm believer that any history, math, english, or science class and the teachers that indoctrinate them prompt students to genuinely think about possible careers to research; it's not often for a student to say, "Coach McCloud really inspired me to become a kinestheologist."

"Academics over athletics," is what you'd hear from my former Honors Intermediate Algebra teacher, who is also a Cross Country and Track & Field coach. I've never heard anyone say anything so true, asides from my former basketball coach: "Your priorities should be listed from least to most important: basketball, then school, then your religion." He didn't like fags, though, so that kinda invalidates the last part of his inspiring words. Nonetheless, strengthening the brain is more important than the body, and that's the message that should be taken out of this. It kills me to hear that former wrestling teammates still struggle in classes because they've been focused and stressed about the sport; and not to mention cutting pounds of water weight, which makes concentration in school difficult. So, let's face the fact that not every student is a star athlete with an above average grade point average, though it is highly doable, but I don't doubt that a high GPA is put into more consideration by universities than a perfect touchdown record; besides, you would need a minimum of a 2.0 GPA with no Fs in order to play.

I don't know for sure how California's budget cut is going to seriously effect schools statewide; I actually just heard on the news that the probability of teachers actually getting laid off is low, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't take this whole deal ardently. Maybe only a few teachers will be laid off, and the biggest problem would be oversized classrooms -- which is still a significant deal. I'm sure students will still get the chance to check out books at their school libraries, but librarians won't supervise those buildings. Restrooms will still be used, but custodians aren't going to clean the graffiti off the walls and stalls.

In school, you are a student to learn and find out what kind of career you want to pursue, not to train to win the basketball state championship. In school, you are a student to move on to a higher level of education, not become a professional football player. In school, you are a student, but being an athlete is an option.




*thanks Sue!

Getting My Name Out

It's been over a month into the Spring semester 'n I feel like I've been on top of things as far as homework 'n studying goes (a lot of credit goes to the b/f for keeping me focused in the books rather than the computer screen). I feel that I'm making a subtle impression on most of my instructors; it's important to me that I get to know them by raising my hand 'n adding on to the lecture, especially if the instructor demands a lot of participation (it's just too awkward for the whole class to say nothing when a professor asks a question 'n expects feedback).

English 110 (college composition) and English 217 (sci-fi & fantasy lit.) are still my favorite yet most challenging classes, 'n I really try hard to keep up w/ some outstanding classmates. There are quite a lot of smart students, 'n I feel behind the class knowing a lot of them have read a bajillion novels (I feel proud just finishing Ender's Game!). One of the instructors remembered my name only b/c I was late, 'n said: "You're late. You delay, just like your last name." It's irritating to have my last name remembered b/c I wasn't punctual for one day. I did, however, put in a lot of effort towards studying 'n work for the first essay 'n book exam; I hope they remember my name b/c I aced both of them.

I thought blogging would reinforce my writing skills in Engl110, but I still feel like I'm starting from square one, reviewing 'n learning all of this paragraph structure; content; thesis statements; topic sentences; central ideas; comma splices; sentences that are too awkward to read when read aloud b/c it's just too wordy that it doesn't really make sense 'n also b/c it's too long for the reader to comprehend as an understandable sentence; avoiding repetition 'n long, awkward, run-on sentences; when to stop using semicolons - this class is helping me a lot.

I love lectures about authors/storytellers like Mark Twain, J. R. R. Tolkien, Homer, 'n others who would've made great bloggers if they had computers 'n the internets. I never really took the time to study great writers 'n their work. When I do analyze, I notice a lot of their writing skills that I've always overlooked. When I carefully read passages from Meditations on Middle-Earth, I think to myself: "Wow, he knows how to use semicolons flawlessly!" 'n, "Hey, I noticed none of these writers use ''n' as a variant of the word 'and'. I should start doing that." 'n that's where the real learning begins

Psychology is another challenging class, but I love the content 'n the proffesuh. I had dropped the class last semester partly b/c I wasn't focused, 'n I looked at the instructor w/ disdain. I can't stand a teacher who gets irked for people not participating but gets frustrated when someone asks a question ('n not necessarily a dumb question!). My current psych instructor, on the other hand, encourages us to participate so she can know our names - plus she gives participation points. Acing the first exam (see where I'm going w/ this ego thing?) was a big self-esteem booster, 'n encourages me to keep on doing what I've been doing: not procrastinating. 'n it's working fairly well.

Of course, my psych instructor will remember me, as I didn't remember her name in the beginning of the semester - well, I knew her name, but I didn't pronounce it correctly. She is a person who wants to have her last name w/ the Hispanic pronunciation, which I understand. One time, I had had raised my hand to ask a question, 'n called "Dr. Ramos, I have a question." She replied back, "It's pronounced Rah-mose," as the tip of her tongue hit the roof of her mouth at a speed of 200 intervals per nanosecond. I have great difficulty rolling my tongue; I wouldn't make a good Latino if I can't do that. In all seriousness, she added, "Remember in the beginning of the semester I told you that you can address me w/ my first name or last, but not pronounced 'Ray-mose.' So I'll answer your question if you say my name right" I apologized, but I knew she was just kidding around - I think.

I've heard lots about my art instructor before taking his painting class - but they weren't exactly positive things. Word amongst students who have had him is that he's a grumpy, middle-aged guy 'n he does favorites, 'n those favorites were usually girls. So I asked myself how the hell will a gay guy like will ever has his name remembered? It turns out that he's actually a nice, affable guy. Ask him a question 'n he's there to give an answer along w/ his life story. He's already gotten to know us by our individual styles when we paint; "Whose is that? The one w/ the crazy brush strokes? Kathy, right? She should be an impressionist," or "I like the use of darks of that apple 'n dramatic shading on the doll face. Isn't Doug the one that hates creepy dolls 'n clowns?" Things are looking positive in this class 'n I enjoy being surrounded by artists, both young and older (not OLD!).

Intermediate Algebra is easy, 'n my instructor's a goofy guy that likes to cuss a lot. I remember after class I had him check my work for a question I got wrong, 'n he goes, "Shit! That's a lot of denominators you need to get rid of! Fuckin' hairy mess you got into, huh?" Eff yeah! He has my name down b/c I look like a student he had before, and he was a good student, so he says; I guess I gotta live up to that.

W/ all of that said, this semester's looking great, 'n I'm up for the challenges my great instructors give me. I will also practice rolling my tongue 'n perfect it by the end of the semester.

Creepy

Painting I is a great class so far. I have an instructor that can talk as long as the Great Wall of China, w/ extensions. I'm finally using oil paint instead of acrylic. Just as I expected, oil takes a while longer than acrylic to oxidize. Having the medium dry slower is a benefit as far as being able to blend easier. The downside is the same reason why I like it. I always end up having some paint lifted off the canvas on my hands or arms when I try to pick it up.

Our first real project was to paint a still life, only using the gray scale. Then at the end, we had to add a shape of one color on to any section of the piece, just so long as there's more than one tone included w/in the shape.

My critique: The paint can could've had some more work done. The choice of color and placement wasn't a great one; it's hard to see any range when blue is added on to black, plus I think the face was the strongest point of the piece before the shape was added. The apple, though, is painted the actual way the real apple was shaped. I could've added some text on the binding of the books, 'n created more reflection on the paint tube (bottom left of can).

I was surprised I ended up w/ an A- b/c the instructor expects a lot in this class 'n doesn't really give out pats in the back a lot.

I can't wait to start on our new project. No, I won't do any more creepy cabbage patch dolls, or clowns.

Firsts

You all remember your firsts. The first time you had a crush; the first time you kissed someone other than your mother; the first time you fell in love, or infatuation; the first time you had a sexual experience; the first time you were in a relationship; the first time you had your heart broken. I'll always remember my first boyfriend, 'n all the firsts we've experienced as a couple.

I remember the first time we’ve met. As I rode shotgun in his truck, I nervously made conversation, hoping my confident façade would impress him. I stuttered here ‘n there, brought up random topics ‘n couldn’t focus on one; I didn’t fool him. On the way home, we rented the movie Click. Good, I thought, he seemed domestic. I wouldn't want to keep in touch w/ someone w/ only one thing on their mind. But let me be real: I had only one "thing" in mind at the time.

Meeting Daphne was fun. I couldn't recall ever seeing or touching a dalmatian, let alone one w/ spots perfectly distributed around the body, 'n a stomach that can count as a two-pack. The first interaction between him 'n "Daph" made me mistakenly guess her age, as she stood up on her two hind legs, having a boxing match w/ her "daddy."; I also second-guessed his age, seeing how energetic he was w/ his best friend. It was cute. I never knew Dalmatians "smiled." I could've sworn she was going to rip his face off as she snarled 'n snorted; the only thing missing was foam dripping down her mouth. But it was all just another playful game between man 'n his dog.

I remember the first time I called him just to say good night. I was eating out w/ a friend, 'n we were both talking about the guys we were focusing on. He was already in love, 'n I didn't know if I was or not, but I really liked the guy whom was on my mind. I decided that I'd give him a call. I didn't feel obligated to, but I wanted to. It felt rewarding to reassure him that he was still in my thoughts by saying good night to him. My friend said it was sweet of me that I did that. I remember I used to be the one that'd say, "Awww, that's cute," to a friend who would say sweet things to his or her partner, but now I was in the moment. I then knew what it felt like to be commended for doing something so small 'n effortless, yet w/ a great impact. This pattern grew more into the future. Now I always put him to bed, then we kiss each other, I kiss him on the forehead, we say I love you to each other, 'n I leave.

I can recall our first fight - if you can call it a fight (I consider it one if one or both of us gets hurt). He got tickets to a Padres game. The location of the seats were more than great; we were basically on the field right next to the third basemen. Padres fans around us were within earshot of the third base referee (is that what you call 'em?) 'n had the liberty of making rude comments to him if he made a bad call. The whole game was great, as our home team won, 'n we were there to see Trevor Hoffman's 500th save of his career (I guess that's significant. 500 is a pretty big number). The night couldn't get any better, w/ our hands clasped 'n fingers intertwined as we drove away from Downtown. However, on the way back home, some misunderstanding took place as words exchanged, 'n it led him to withdraw his hands from mine. He put in a James Blunt CD, having the song "Goodbye My Lover" blaring out of the truck w/ the windows down. I couldn't stand the loudness, 'n the song, so I wanted him to turn it down. The ride home was silent, 'n no more words were exchanged. As he dropped me off home, I said my thanks, but no kiss. As he made a U-turn at the intersection next to my house, his wheels screeched. I slept that night feeling empty, as if the whole fun night was invalidated b/c of a stupid misunderstanding. The next day at his house, I raised my arms out for a hug, 'n we both knew what for. W/ his face buried into my shoulder, he muffled, "I don't like fighting w/ you."

'n that was our first make-up.



To be continued.

At it Again

So, I'm at it again. I'm out (but not totally) 'n about, gallivanting in the bloggersphere. The abrupt retirement from my old blog is in the past now; change is, after all, constant, 'n change of a new blog was necessary for me to have a smaller sense of paranoia. I've disregarded the fact that I can be easily found by peers. I've also underestimated The One who caused this paranoia in the first place; I forget, now 'n then, how powerful He is. Yes, you know Him, 'n His name starts w/ a capital G. You guessed it: Google. How can I be so naive to think that my blog wouldn't be found by Googling a 19 y/o porn star's name, or trying to find out a teacher's e-mail, so you can find out what the English homework was?

I have no doubt that this blog will be found one way (Googling) or another, but there will be careful consideration of the information I'll put in here. It's hard to keep a certain level of discretion when there is so much to share; from life-changing experiences w/ the boyfriend, to some random dialog I had w/ my mom.

No matter what, though, I want to keep this blog for deeper introspection than I do before I head to bed. Deleting Change is Constant was a big deal, as far as having news to tell an audience. I don't keep in touch w/ my many friends nowadays, as I'm occupied w/ focusing on school 'n my great boyfriend. I won't make this blog an obligation, however. I will not be guilty if I miss a day or two of blogging, b/c you 'n I both know that an abundance of time is what we do NOT have.

Out of my 5 classes I'm taking this semester, there are 2 that I look forward going to class: college composition writing 'n Sci-Fi 'n Fantasy literature; both English classes, back-to-back. My professors have inspired me to blog again, as I learn how to improving mine Eanglesh, 'n read an average of 100+ pages of novels a week. My writing professor has makes learning how to write a surprisingly fun time for a good hour; I'm always listening intently, 'n thinking about how I can improve my blogging skills. Dr. P. is enthusiastic when he teaches his class, 'n the same is evident in Dr. M., who is the more stern voice for soft-spoken Professor P.. Dr. P. has inspired me to read 'n look at Sci-Fi 'n Fantasy literature in a whole different perspective. Actually, she reminded me that Sci-Fi was the first genre I fell in love w/, as I've read The Giver by Lois Lowry over 'n over 'n over, wondering if Jonas has made it to Elsewhere.

This semester's looking up for me.

This blog's theme is somewhat neutral (not solely for political views 'n the like), b/c I don't want to limit myself from posting a gamut of topics, like school, sex, relationships, friends, everyday life, politics, sex, 'n some sex; I want this blog to have personality 'n life, so it can make mistakes, 'n learn from them. It's a blog that is in progress of reaching a status (but not necessarily the primary goal) of well known gay blogs, like Glennalicious, and political Joe.My.God., 'n the like. This blog, though, is still young, just like me, but it has potential.

So, your blog friend, Doug, has resurrected 'n will keep you posted w/ breaking news, like Britney Spears' life.